Now THAT Was A Joke!
by The Brod Road
Summary: After being pranked by some Normandy crew members, Jeff Moreau decides to live up to his nickname's namesake, so to speak... During ME3. Light Joker/EDI goodness.


Author's Note: Random idea I had floating around up in my head. I'm not sure if anybody else used this idea, since it seems to be an obvious pun to use. Also, I think I saw a pic on DeviantArt using a similar comparison idea… But I hope nobody minds the idea of me putting a spin on it. Also, this is my first Mass Effect fanfic, so take it easy on me, alright? Lol. Obviously, this is a Joker/EDI fic. I don't get why there isn't a whole boatload of this awesome couple… But at least I'm contributing.

Takes place at a random quiet moment toward the end of ME3, the Normandy just cruising along during the Reaper War, perhaps en route to a mission.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything I happen to use here!

Now THAT Was A Joke!

Jeff "Joker" Moreau was stressed, there was no sugarcoating that. Yeah, he was still relatively glad to have a kickass job where he got to pretty much sit on his ass when working, especially because of his brittle-bones syndrome. However, the overall sense of being doomed seemed to have floated up to the cockpit like a poisonous miasma. The sarcastic pilot didn't even have one ounce of blame to place upon the crew of the Normandy SR-2. He understood their worries.

The Reapers were running roughshod throughout the universe.

Planets were being taken over by the day, body counts for each invasion always rising to the millions or even billions.

The Reapers' troops were nothing more than macabre mutilations of corpses of all species, reanimated with nanotech to kill and destroy while looking like freaks out of some cyber-Hell.

The last fact never failed to make Joker shudder whenever he thought about it. A part of him was thankful that he wasn't one of the ones that had to confront those things in person on a daily basis… He would always tell himself that he's contributing to the effort anyway by being the best damn pilot Shepard's team ever had. It wasn't his fault he was born with a condition that could have his bones break from, as he once said, "sneezing too hard". So he wasn't a coward by any means. At least that's what he told himself…

Joker sighed. He knew things had to come to a head eventually. The Crucible was coming together nicely. The Normandy crew managed to defeat a small handful of Reapers, which was an accomplishment in itself. Shepard got the Turians and the Krogan to form an alliance, a miracle in itself, even with the Genophage cured. Cerberus was on the run, for the most part. It just felt like a movie, the mandatory 'calm before the storm' scenes before some epic final brawl.

It wasn't all worry and stress, though. Joker was glad that Shepard found a certain kind of 'outlet' for his stress when Tali'Zorah became his girlfriend. Of course, the pilot didn't know for sure if Shepard and Tali actually did the deed, but he had his suspicions, especially since EDI voiced her concerns about the increased amount of times the purple-suited Quarian caught some minor infection or another… The AI also noted the exact number of times Tali was heard happily muttering either to Shepard or herself the phrase "Totally worth it".

Hell, love seemed to be in the air lately. He noticed that James was putting the moves on Ashley since that crazy party at Shepard's badass new apartment…and she had reciprocated. Joker was glad Shepard didn't appear to act weird about that hook-up, considering that, a few years back when the original Normandy was around, Ashley and Shepard were practically joined at the hip… It probably would be a strange atmosphere if he was bothered by it... "The mighty and legendary Commander Shepard, crying over his ex being with another man in front of him! Oh, the disgrace! The shattered illusion!" Granted, Ashley was quite a catch, Joker couldn't deny that. But it's good to hear that broken-up lovers can actually move on without a hitch.

Which brought his train of thought to… himself and EDI. Yeah, an AI! A part of him still couldn't believe it, the situation seemed so surreal. He glimpsed over to his chrome companion as she stared at her co-pilot control console, pressing this holographic button and turning that holographic knob in a passively mechanical way. The mecha-woman looked lost in thought. Or perhaps just silent. Or both. He couldn't tell with her face being set at her default setting. But he didn't mind. Each day, the humorously direct AI learned more and more about what it was to be human, even if some of what she learned was taken the wrong way by her.

Smiling as he remembered how she was so adorably confused when Sam attempted to explain the human slang meaning of the number 69, he carefully got up from his seat, turning his control over to EDI.

"I'll be back. Gotta use the bathroom."

"Acknowledged, Jeff. Don't fall in." EDI replied. Was that amusement in her tone?

"EDI, toilets aren't… wait, who told you that one?" Joker asked, figuring there was only one way that she could've learned that pun, since AI had no need for restrooms in their programming.

"Kenneth from Engineering had once said that to Gabriella one time when she went to…relieve herself. She showed the same annoyed yet amused reaction that people tend to express when being the recipient of a joke. I thought it would be fun to use it." answered the AI, her explanation analytical as usual. The woman seemed a little more cheerful for having, in her perspective, tried something new.

Joker shook his head, thinking of the two ex-Cerberus engineers that always seemed like they've been husband and wife for years, despite the fact that they're not even dating (yet). The Irish lad always seemed prone to moments of cheap humor and putting his foot in his mouth, yet Gabby seemed to have the patience of a saint when it came to him.

Joker carefully limped off toward the restroom, careful to maintain a cheerful train of thought. After all, the calm before the storm won't last forever. As he left, it was unfortunate that he didn't look behind him at all as he made his way through CIC. Otherwise, he would've seen a couple of very distinctive crew members sneaking toward the cockpit…

It was 20 minutes later when he came back through CIC. "Dammit, I really wish they'd put a bathroom closer to the cockpit for me. I mean, Mr. Crazy-Eyes Illusive Man knew of my condition when he hired me for the new Normandy. He could've put it opposite of the airlock door, for crap's sake. But noooooo! I gotta march all the way to the back… All this high-tech stuff and I have to have a freakin' piss-bottle beneath my seat… Yeah, you heard me, Traynor…" he rambled, the last part ad-libbed when the pretty, tan-skinned, British specialist gave him an appalled look over his 'piss-bottle' comment. And people wondered why she preferred other women…

Joker made his way to the cockpit. However, when his doors opened, he was greeted with a different sight than he expected.

The holographic control panels were shown in shades of red and green!

Lights were strewn around the windows, all of festive colors!

Clown-face masks were placed in a few spots!

The phrase "Why So Serious?" was written in what appears to be red lipstick upon the front window!

And there was EDI, sitting there like nothing had happened, navigating the ship…wearing a red-and-black jester cap on her head.

"Wha…? What the hell, EDI!? What happened here?" the pilot sputtered, wondering who did this. Obviously, it wasn't the poor AI. Spontaneous pranks was still a brand-new concept to her.

When she spoke to answer, it wasn't her usual voice that he grew to love. Instead, it was something completely different…

"Why, just a little redecorating, Mistah J. Do you like? I think it looks nice! Doesn't it look nice? Now our area looks so pleasant! Do you think we should get a pet varren to complete the look?" EDI's voice sounded high and bubbly, complete with a slight New Yorker accent. Joker was floored.

"EDI? What did they do to you…?" Joker asked, eyes wide at the jester-cap-wearing android with her newfound grin on her face.

"Oh, this? Nothing to worry about, my dear Mistah J! Certain crew members requested that I temporarily download and install a new voice off'a the extranet just for this prank. I do hope you enjoy it! Personally, I don't find this voice all that unpleasant. What do you think, Mistah J?" EDI asked, her face beaming with pride and perhaps a little curiosity.

"Well… uhh… It's nice. Yeah. Really nice…" Joker responded, cautiously sitting back down in his seat, passively grabbing at one of the clown masks. Why did it have to be clowns?

EDI frowned. "Mistah J, I detect a hint of distress within the tone of your reply. Are ya ok?" At least it was only her voice that could be altered. EDI would still worry about Joker if he seemed troubled. She had just went along with the others' prank idea because it sounded like an amusing human experience she could take part in.

"Yeah, yeah. I'll be fine, EDI. It'll probably take a while to clean off that writing on the window, but hey, it'll give me something to do when we're in cruise control." Joker snarked dejectedly, glaring at the red 'Why So Serious?'.

"Aww… Relax, Mistah J. Nobody meant any harm, ya know. This was just a cheerful prank to help lift morale around here." Despite the hyperactive bubbly voice, EDI proceeded to provide an analytical explanation. "According to James as well as Earth's extranet, there's this old legend about this superhero called Batman. His main enemy was this psychotic killer clown called The Joker, which was the basis of this prank. Apparently, my voice was supposed ta be that of The Joker's girlfriend, a crazy woman named Harley Quinn. So… Does that make me… Harl-EDI Quinn?"

"Sigh… Batman, huh?" Joker said, more to himself than to EDI. Admittedly, this was one of the better easy pranks he got hit with. He didn't get hurt and none of the Normandy's controls were compromised. Knowing how rowdy certain crew members tend to get, those two factors definitely counted.

The AI seemed to take his response as a sign of depression. "Hey, don't cry. You sounded like you've experienced this befoah, Mistah J. There, there." soothed EDI, even though the excess dialogue was more of a result of EDI trying to fit in to the downloaded voice's personality.

"Maybe. Originally, I was called 'Joker' back in my training days because back then, I wasn't happy at all. Didn't smile or anything. The name stuck. Didn't expect to be compared to some infamous old-school murderer, though… Only on the Normandy can crap like this happen, I guess. I have heard of the Batman story before. Kinda thought that this type of joke might happen someday." Joker explained as he resumed control of the Normandy.

"Are we just gonna let them get away with this, Mistah J?" EDI asked, her new voice making her sound very perky. Joker smirked. EDI almost sounded like she wanted to help him get a little payback. Truth be told, her logic calculated that a counter-prank would not only increase the productivity of her dear pilot, but also her own sense of personal satisfaction. After all, AI or not, a part of her seemed to have developed an almost-human sense that Jeff is "her" man and nobody brings her man down.

Joker randomly crammed one of the clown-face masks onto his face, topping it off by replacing the cap on his head. "They want pranks? Fine. Let's show them pranks! Hmm… And I know just what to do. EDI, here's what I need from you."

And so, the "Clown Pilot of Normandy" plotted with the "Chrome Princess of Crime"…

The thing about being a ship pilot or an Artificial Intelligence was that sleep was pretty much a luxury. AIs never needed it. As for Joker, well… it was sometimes better to be a 'night owl'. Either way, that factor came in real handy for the human/android couple for their plot, even though EDI had to be the one to do most of the stealth work while the crew turned in for the 'night'. Joker still remembered what that near-disasterous shore leave at the Citadel had done to his pancreas… and it was the dancing at the party that did more damage than the sudden warfare against some crazed Shepard clone. Damn that syndrome…

Not to say that the clown didn't do anything while his chrome harlequin worked. No, Joker had a special surprise for the CIC chamber. That distance was actually do-able for him. And so he worked… He wondered how they managed to get the necessary specific materials so fast, especially without anybody noticing. One would think that such oddities would at least warrant a question from somebody, inside or outside the ship, as to why the Normandy was requesting such things during wartime, but nope. Nothing. Not one word. EDI must've had some really good connections…

The next day, John Shepard awoke, but not naturally. No, he awoke to a surprised shriek of "Kee'lah!" from Tali. Remembering the Collector invasion from some time ago, he instantly got to his feet and looked around. No Collectors, no Reaper troops, nothing. Just his luxury cabin. He felt something cloth-like settle around him and he thought he took the blanket with him. He looked down. Whatever the black cloak was, it wasn't the blanket… What the hell?

He looked toward Tali…and arched his eyebrows. Tali seemed to have... cat ears on her helmet.

"Uhh…. Tali? What's with the….?"

"Your outfit? You tell me? Is this some sort of human ritual outfit or something? And how did you even get into that? I know you didn't leave the bed last night, being the light-sleeper that I am. I think you tossed and turned, but... Have you seen yourself?" the Quarian asked, confusion evident. Shepard quickly went for the bathroom and looked in the mirror.

He knew this must be payback from the prank he participated in yesterday. For he was wearing the Batman cape and cowl…

The grunts on the supply dock had to laugh at James' new outfit. Even Ashley (who shared a bed with him the previous night) had giggled when she woke up to suddenly find her muscular Latino wearing something different. The phrase 'human traffic light' had quickly grown to be a source of annoyance for James Vega…who was somehow crammed into a Robin outfit, complete with cape and domino mask.

"Oooh, that damn pilot of ours… He's asking for it now!" he said as he and Ashley entered the elevator to CIC.

Shepard, James, Ashley, and the CIC crew all had to gawk at Samantha Traynor. They couldn't help themselves, for the British beauty was apparently wearing nothing but green boots, green gloves, and a cleavage-baring one-piece legless swimsuit made out of what looked like green tree leaves.

"Bloody 'ell, this damn thing's itchy… Did they use real leaves? Argh! Sorry, Shepard… I would've changed, but I can't seem to find the zipper to this thing. Aaaand it looks like it would've been inappropriate if I did, since you all came in costume too… Joker got you too?"

"Yeah. Guess he wasn't too thrilled with our redecorations." replied Shepard-Batman.

"Is all this part of this ancient human Bat-Man legend you were starting to tell me about, Shepard?" asked Tali-Catwoman, the cat ears seemingly super-glued to her helmet. Shepard merely nodded in response. "Hmm… Interesting" mused the 'catty' Quarian.

"That clown's going down! Right, Loco?" asked James-Robin, his annoyance evident. A few of the CIC crew were still snickering about his outfit. Not even Earth-born humans that have heard of Batman had ever imagined the idea of a buff Robin.

"Now, James. We started this. Is it really surprising that he'd answer it?" asked Shepard, cape fluttering as he turned toward James.

James was silent for a minute. Then he sighed. "Guess ya got a point. Still, this is annoying!" he grunted. Ashley chose then to hook an arm around his.

"Oh, I don't see how it's that annoying. The suit kinda helps show off your muscles." Ashley purred, her fingers caressing a bicep absently.

"Get a room." Traynor-Poison Ivy sullenly replied, still feeling awkward about her revealing outfit.

"In any case, we should probably get to work." Shepard said, stepping up to the Galaxy Map. However, instead of the hologram of the galaxy showing itself, it was a hologram of the Batman insignia as shown when the Bat Signal is lit. "Dammit, Joker! I need the map!"

"Hehehehehe…! Sorry, Bats! That's just the universe looking for a hero against the Reapers. Guess you're the one it deserves!" Joker responded over the intercom, sounding way more amused than usual.

"As it pertains to the current war effort, Mistah J's metaphor is quite accurate. Shall I set a course, Commander Shepard?" EDI asked, her voice having been readjusted back to normal. She seemed to have adopted the mannerism of calling Joker by the NY-accented name of 'Mistah J', though… Perhaps another one of the AI's developing preferences?

"Yeah. Set a course for—"

"Dammit!" interrupted Samantha. "Joker's locked me out of my terminal. Apparently the password is the answer to a riddle. You're lucky I'm smart. Otherwise, I'd find a not-so-desirable use for my toothbrush on you."

"Man, it's too bad Mordin had to do what he did. He'd make an excellent Riddler!" Joker responded, chuckling.

Shepard facepalmed. It was going to be one of those days… The elevator dinged as the doors slid open, revealing EDI, still wearing the red/black jester cap, but also wearing a red/black harlequin dress as she skipped along CIC, carrying a tray of food for Joker.

"Hello, Shepard. Everyone. Sleep well?" EDI merely asked as she skipped by the small clique of pranked 'cosplayers'.

"Did we just see…..?" James trailed off.

"EDI wearing clothes?" Ashley finished. "I thought she didn't need clothes."

"Can we just agree not to prank Joker again? We're probably lucky pics of us like this don't hit the extranet…" Sam said, her terminal having been uploaded again.

"I wouldn't bet on that yet." EDI replied via intercom. The group groaned loudly, with James letting loose a very annoyed "Oh, come on!".

Yeah, definitely one of those days.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** And done! I hope this is good. I still bet that somebody else already wrote something up about the whole "Joker and The Joker" similar name thing. Anyways, this popped into my head and I thought I should write a take on it, see what you guys thing.

By the way, I realize that by the time the events of the Mass Effect Trilogy occur, most of our current-day entertainment icons would probably fade way deep into obscurity. Yeah, Batman's 75 years old this year, but do you think his legend would still be relevant by the time his legend is around 200 years old? Not sure. But I hope the slight suspension of disbelief helps this story.

Read and Review please! Thank you.


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